this is not what i would but i do anyways..

i run up to the earth,
suprise i didn't fall from the side.. he was talking all by himself, i felt weird to say hello, so i couldnt...

many things reminded many other things,
i think its how life goes, we are here to remember and to forget... i didnt say a word back, but at the top of it i felt safe. i wish he wouldve just told me to stay there in the first place rather than talking by himself.. i didnt blame anything on him.. it is okay.

i listened but couldn' t quite catch the words, he seemed sad, i wasnt sure what to say, i got closer, but i mightve fallen down and i was scared. both of him and myself. i got closer but i mightve never gotten...

not broken, no it is fine.
i will forgive him. not now maybe, but soon, i know myself, i will forgive him. from my room to where i lead my head, i really wished to stay there for a while just to sit and breathe..

i might not be a good talker in many states of mind, but i am a good silent.

i said it would pass, like many other things have.. many other things i did wanted but never spoke of. many things that i thought would help me survive but made me spin around myself so its okay its okay its okay, it really is...
which i ve forgiven them all.

i wanted to tell him about the two strange dreams ive had in the passed days in early mornings, how i woke up and so... then i thought it was nonsense, he was there all by himself, what the hell would he do with some stupid dreams that ive got to tell... so i gave up on that too..

i repeated myself quietly "you will never know how to act in proper, you will always be confused and that is really sad, you will keep that reasonless laugh to not to stop your heart, that is really sad.." i felt sad... from all those moments, i felt awkward about myself and i think saying it out loud to everyone proves that i accepted that. every single stupid thing ive done, i didnt mean to really. sometimes i really dont know it. i just dont...

isnt there always a stroke about the one "existing you" and the one "you that everyone knows" and the last one that "the one you really wanted to be".. it is never easy to know for sure, without heartbreakings, loving, hating and letting go...

many things in this world, that i would never understand at all...
about me, or about people or about flowers or even about coffee with milk...


and one more thing,
why snow didn't come yet?